No Machine - On eBay - Singles - Reviews - Soundblab

No Machine - On eBay

by Al Brown Rating:4 Release Date:2010-12-13

I don't know where I first came across the phrase, "their only crime is being slighty dull", but it is one of my favourite stock-putdowns. The readers' expectations are pushed one way by the word "only" and then confounded by the revelation that the band are boring, and therefore total shit. Boredom in pop music is a death sentence folks; nobody told Coldplay but it's true.

Anyway No Machine's only (major) crime is being slightly dull. Their over-produced, lyrically unadventurous sound coming across like something Fyfe Dangerfield shat out in an afternoon session in Abbey Road with Gabrielle's production team and a lot of expensive session musicians. Do I have to mention that name-checking a large corporation in a song is pretty uncool too? You can totally imagine the bosses at eBay sitting around, listening to this and slapping each other on the back believing they've tapped into some groovy youth ubiquity then snorting a massive pile of coke and hitting the town for a night of self-congratulation and date-rape.

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Oooh snaps, girlfriend!

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