Alphabeat - Hole in My Heart - Singles - Reviews - Soundblab

Alphabeat - Hole in My Heart

by Rich Morris Rating:1 Release Date:2010-02-22

They failed once before with their knowingly naff Footloose-on-a-shoestring, S Club-for-hipsters pop. It didn't sell and they were dropped by their record label. Really, there shouldn't be a second chapter in the shelf-life of Danish glory-chasers Alphabeat. And yet here they are again, this time making the kind of Euro dance pish even Cascada would listen to and think 'Hmmm. You know, maybe this is just a bit too cheesy?' But that's ok, right, because the 90s house piano and auto-tuned vocals of 'Hole in My Heart' are knowingly cheesy. It's ironic, isn't it? Ha ha ha - oh, that's so funny, Alphabeat, you making shit pop music for ironic reasons. Ha ha ha.

Except this isn't ironic, it's just desperate and creatively bankrupt. Alphabeat want to be a successful pop act so bad they're prepared to make unutterably abysmal music to achieve their ends. They don't care if it's completely bereft of wit, invention and sparkle, if it has all the charm of a canned dog fart. Just as long as it ends up on a Now… compilation, then it's worth it. What are they going to do next if this doesn't work? Have extensive facial surgery so they all look like Cheryl Cole and then blow Simon Cowell on live TV? Give it up, Alphabeat. You were shit the first time round; you're even worse this time. You were never meant to be pop stars. I'm sorry; I know that hurts, but it's the truth. Now, please, just… fuck off.

Richard Morris

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You tell 'em Rich. I lived through the 80's and I don't need this shit again.

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