Bad Guys - Bad Guynaecology

UK’s Bad Guys seem to want to jump on the retro-metal bandwagon alongside America’s The Sword and Sweden’s Mustache – two bands that specialise in reviving Dio, Deep Purple, and Iron Maiden via the more modern riffage of stoner-rock. Unfortunately, Bad Guys – almost – sound like they want to be a piss-take band as well but they neither have interesting riffs, nor anything in general that’s catchy enough to make the listening particularly enjoyable. Most of the music is pretty standard chugging riffs, and growling vocals you can hear in any heavy rock band.

You might think that the first song ‘Crimes’ sounds just like what you want to hear, but it quickly becomes tedious and the vocals add so little variety that you’ll soon move onto the next song. However, if ‘Prostitutes (Are Making Love in My Garden)’ is supposed to be humorous, it fails on every level; if it’s supposed to be ironic, it simply doesn’t take itself seriously enough to pull that off.

You see, what works for the metal/rock band Mustasch is that they actually take themselves very seriously despite the outside appearance of sounding and looking like a late-70s NWoBHM knock-off. It’s this aspect that’s drawn them such a large following, as well as being expert musicians in their own right. Whether you like the music or not, these guys absolutely have everything going for them and can always surprise with dynamics that compliment kick-ass riffs. The lyrics and vocal tone may verge on cheese every now and then, but just enough to offset the actual seriousness of the music and make listening fun.

On Bad Guynaecology, the songs forget to steal the best riffs, they forget to stand out and be noticed, and the drums rarely accent anything, simply ploughing through the verses like the drummer’s more concerned for the beer he’s been promised rather than actually working his ass off for that beer!

‘Motorhome’ takes a stab at some hardcore influences, and thankfully succeeds in the short song department, but not much else. The almost 12-minute finale ‘No Tomorrow’ is best fast-forwarded through. Not much changes – the riffs go nowhere and there's little in the way of dynamics to make you want to listen to more than about a minute.

‘Reaper’ finally feels like the band has some serious attitude to dish out with the guitars chugging up a storm, the drums rip-roaring through the tempo, and the vocals growling out words that matter: “If you think your life means anything/ you’re just plain fuckin’ wrong… There is no meaning/ that’s the point/ there is no point at all.” Ironic isn’t it?