One Night Only - One Night Only

While trying to think of a musical comparison for this album the best I could come up with initially was 'Hollyoaks montage music'. You know, there's some scene involving Kevin and Mercedes (or whatever they're called) and Kevin's just found out that Mercedes really fancies her fitness instructor called Alex, who turns out to be Kevin's best friend from school...blah, blah, blah. Anyway, while the drama is unfolding, One Night Only are playing 'Say You Don't Want It' in the background, the opening track to their new album. The idea that some people (their record label, T4, Wiki-bloody-pedia) would have you believe that One Night Only are an indie rock band is just incredible. Suffice to say you won't be finding David Gedge covering this fellow Yorkshire band anytime soon. This is definitely pop music, which of course is no bad thing. It's just that this is pop music of the worst possible kind. Dressed in skinny jeans, with T4 approved haircuts and some guitars so they look, ye know, edgy like The Libertines or something...

All my gut feelings of hatred for this kinda thing would be partly forgotten if the songs were any good. They're not though. Pet Shop Boys-esque synths start off 'All I Want' but really that seems like too much of a compliment (sorry Mr Tennant!) - its sub-standard Bon Jovi or A-Ha without that element of cheesy nostalgia that makes it ok with some people. Tracks like 'Anything' and 'Feeling Fine' could almost be them trying to be New Order, if New Order were talentless, tone-deaf teenagers without any taste. Tracks like 'Never Be the Same' make me cringe inside. The whole thing's quite 80s too, less Smiths and Mary Chain more Thatcher, shallowness and crappy tunes. In fact I can imagine Patrick Bateman (American Psycho's psychopath) really enjoying this album, humming along to himself as he goes mental...

Essentially, One Night Only are one of those boy-bands-with-guitars, destined to be loved intensely by 12-year-old girls until they grow up and chuck their albums away out of embarrassment. "We can't stop now, we won't stop now," they sing on closing track 'Can't Stop Now' - it ends up sounding like a terrifying threat. When young boys dream of being in a band do you think they feel like they've let themselves down when they end up in groups like this? Anyway I'm off to listen to SunnO))) until my ears bleed and I feel better.